Laat mij lekker!

Om niet volledig te verpieteren in Beirut, of tenonder te gaan aan alle chaos en lawaai, gaan Walid en ik regelmatig op excursie door het hele land. Libanon is niet groot (oppervlakte: een kwart van Nederland), maar rondrijden is vrij vermoeiend vanwege de slechte wegen, de ‘verkeersregels’ en het verkeer zelf. Om ervoor te zorgen dat niet één van ons volledig uitgeput raakt terwijl de ander vrolijk van het uitzicht geniet, wisselen we het rijden af. Voor Walid was dat, zeker in het begin, vrij eng, want hij was ervan overtuigd dat ik met mijn keurige Nederlandse rij-opleiding absoluut ongeschikt ben om het Libanese verkeer te trotseren. (Niets bleek minder waar – zolang ik maar in gedachten hou dat alle automobilisten hier ‘fietskoerier-gedrag’ vertonen.)

Het grootste problem was mijn gebrek aan toetergebruik. Wachten achter een taxi waar een passagier uitstapt? Toeteren om te laten weten dat ik erlangs wil. Auto in de buurt met de foto van een favoriete politicus? Riedeltje toeteren om te laten weten dat er mede-supporters op de weg zijn. Auto die rechts inhaalt en naar de linkerbaan zwiept? Niet inhouden – toeteren. Ik hield voet bij stuk in mijn opinie dat het land wel met wat minder toeteren afkan, en dat ik niet wil bijdragen aan al dat onnodige lawaai om ons heen. Redelijk als hij is, zag hij daar het nut wel van in, maar hij wilde me toch even meegeven dat het toeteren in Libanon meer is dan alleen waarschuwen voor gevaarlijke situaties: het is een volwaardig communicatie middel.

Blijkt het nog meer te zijn dan dat. Vanmorgen zaten we klem in het verkeer, konden niet links, niet rechts, niet rechtdoor, en de auto achter ons begon te toeteren. Ongeduldige, korte drukken op de claxon. Geagiteerd draaide Walid zijn raam open en riep hem toe: ‘Man! Ik zit klem! Wat wil je dat ik doe, op de volgende auto inrijden?’ Waarop de man uitstapte en terugschreeuwde:

‘Had ik het soms tegen jou?!? Ik was gewoon lekker aan het toeteren!’

Wij konden niet anders dan gierend van het lachen onze weg vervolgen.

Two options only

A ‘Green Line’ runs through Beirut, starting in Downtown and going South-East, separating the city and later on the country into two parts. East of the ‘line’ is Christian, West of the ‘line’ is Muslim. Although never an official frontier, its physical presence (stemming from the civil war) is still visible in many places in Beirut – certain houses on the roads that make up the line are still riddled with bullet-holes and signs of rocket-attacks. Yet even though the line is only visible in the city, I can never entirely forget about the division of the country. It’s not just the endless amounts of crosses and mini-Jesuses that decorate the roads in the Christian areas, nor the Ramadan banners in the Muslim areas. It’s me.

Being a tall, blond, European female means being subjected to many different stereotypes, depending on where I am in the world. In Africa it meant I was rich, in the USA it meant I was a model. In Lebanon, it can mean one of two things, and again, it depends on my geographical location.

In the Muslim areas of Lebanon, both city and country-side, it is automatically assumed that I am a journalist. After all, Lebanon is bursting at its seams with 20- and 30-something independent European females who want to report on the Middle East but do not have the freedom to do so in many other Arab countries. The stereotype is mainly annoying when I try to arrange a permit to South Lebanon, and have to explain why I would like to visit Hezbollah-favoring territories if not for media-related issues. On the streets, I don’t feel noticed, other than the occasional disagreeing look of a Muslim sheikh and his wife.

It’s a whole different story in the ‘other’ part of the country. Waiting for the bus on the street-side will inevitably result in several proposals that may or may not include cups of coffee or glasses of alcohol. Men who would otherwise never ask for directions feel compelled to back up and ask me ‘where is that shopping mall again? Oh, you don’t know? Where are you from then? Would you like to get in the car?’ I still don’t know where to look when the passing cars slow down for their ultimate staring and drooling experience. But the worst is when, like this weekend, we are trying to escape the heat in Beirut and spend the night in a hotel in Broummana. ‘Excuse me sir, the woman, who is she?’ ‘She’s my fiancée.’ ‘Ah ok. Mmmm. Let’s see. No, I’m sorry, we don’t have any vacancies.’ The accompanying look leaves room for no doubt that in his eyes, we are obviously lying, and Walid just picked me up from the street for $50 a night.

I know this is by far not the worst type of racism in Lebanese society. One only has to look at the malicious behavior towards the Sri Lankan maids and Bangladeshi gas-station attendants to see how much worse it can get. But it’s still hurtful, insulting and limiting; if given the choice between press or prostitute, I would still like to have the option to say ‘neither’.

Happiness in the Middle East

It’s the kind of information brought up in the bar, after a few drinks. ‘Hey guys, guess what, I read somewhere that the Lebanese are the least happy people in the Middle East.’ Hilarity all over. Really? Why would the Lebanese people be the unhappiest? Sure, there is a lot of fighting, war, explosions, bad electricity and thieving phone-companies, but still, most Lebanese are convinced they are the envy of the whole region, with everyone being jealous of the beautiful beaches and green mountains and sparkling nightlife and wonderful food… Well, apparently they aren’t. According to this report, the Saudis are the happiest. Speculation ensued over the reason why. The first question was, how could the people from Saudi Arabia and Bahrain be at the top of the list? Surely they must have forgotten to ask the Saudi women about their level of happiness, or maybe they stuck to the law and asked the women’s legal guardians: ‘Excuse me sir, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy is your wife?’

But how could even the Palestinians rank higher on the happiness-scale? Maybe, it was argued, they were lumped together with the Israelis, and since it’s an Arab survey, they cannot use the name Israel. But would the Israelis be really happy with the way things are going there, even if they currently have the upper hand? ‘Well,’ was the final word on that ‘even if they aren’t, they can’t say so: they are the Chosen People, living in the Promised Land! How can they ever be unhappy?’

From the above arguments, it was deducted that the Lebanese might not be the most unhappy, but are rather the most honest people of the whole Middle East. Either that, or, as someone said, their low ranking should be attributed to their incredibly high expectations and disproportional sense of entitlement. I'm still undecided.

Of seatbelts and bumper cars

In a corner of the Corniche, behind a Chinese $1-store and an ice-cream vendor, is an old amusement park. It is a surreal place, especially at night, when lighting is sparse and the number of visitors low. The rides are old and rusty, clearly suffering from the perpetual spray of salty sea-water, some closed down indefinitely, little carts with paint chipping at the edges. The Ferris wheel is still going, even though it is said that one or two of its gondolas have come crushing down over the years – with or without passengers, nobody really knows the story. A little booth in the middle sells tickets – LL 2000 (€1) for a ride.

And then there are the bumper cars. A recent paint-job makes them shiny and attractive, but don’t be fooled: the seats have given up a long time ago, leaving strands of iron wire over a wooden board which will give you bruises with every bump. But despite the name of the attraction, the Lebanese youngsters who jumped on the little cars when they saw us getting in were not in it for the bumping. They drove like they do in regular traffic: speeding up, swerving around, coming close but never actually hitting the other. They didn’t understand my pleasure at racing straight at them, aiming for a head-on collision… I was having fun; they were practicing for the road.

Yesterday was the first day of Ramadan. It was also the first day that police-men were expected to enforce all the traffic rules: no talking on cell-phones while driving, those in the front seat have to wear a seatbelt, no double parking, and definitely no crossing a red light or driving against traffic. We were even warned at a checkpoint, the week before, that ‘from September 1st, we will fine you if we catch you doing one of these things’. People were speculating as to how this would work out. Would it really happen, Lebanese people sticking to the rules? What would the city look like, without the chaos of traffic?

I still recognized Hamra yesterday, with its stinking, honking collection of cars going up the main street. Yet the service-driver did ask me to put the seatbelt, profusely apologizing for the fact that he didn’t see the need but, you know, enforcement of the rules and all. I didn’t mind, although it wasn’t easy to pull down the belt that probably hadn’t been used in 30 years. Baby-steps towards a more organized Lebanon – I’d like to see where this is going.

Polite conversation, translated.

- Morning of good- Morning of light Two mana’ouche zaatar, if you want - On my head Do you want anything in it? - No, I want your health in it - Love of my heart - Just add some olives for the master - Ok Here you go - May your hands be safeguarded - My dear - With safety - God is with you

(in Snack Faysal, Hamra, Beirut; Friday morning 15 August 2008)