Identity-crisis, live at ABC

It’s not easy for kids in Lebanon these days – so many languages, so many nationalities per person! Yesterday morning, as we were having a late breakfast in ABC-mall in Ashrafiyeh, we were joined at the big table by a family of four; mother, father and two sons of around 4 years old. They seemed to be Lebanese, mostly speaking French, while the mother tried a sentence or two in Arabic with the kids. One of the boys kept staring at me until he decided he needed some answers and turned to his parents.

‘Mom, dad, which country are we from?’ ‘We live in France, and we are from Lebanon.’ ‘Oh.’ He turned back to me. ‘And you, where are you from?’ ‘I am from The Netherlands,’ I answered. ‘To the North of France,’ clarified his dad.

The boy, still wondering about the complexities of different countries of origin and nationalities, brought the discussion on their side of the table to their friend Gael, whose mother was said to be French. She also, it was mentioned, has blue eyes, and eventually one of the sons asked:

‘So when we go back to France, will we have blue eyes as well?’ As if the whole confusion of correlation between language, residence and descent wasn’t enough yet...

Libanopoly, or: be your own Saniora

A while ago on a sunny evening-walk, we passed an old, crowded toy store. As we’d been trying to find affordable board games, we hopped in. The owner of the store told us he had been a shopkeeper in Ras Beirut since 1983 – and he had the photos to prove it.

He also had a very large selection of toys and games, ranging from fake barbies to small tanks made from shiny bullets glued into shape. He also had the Lebanese version of Monopoly: Libanopoly. Only 13500 liras (about $9), for the deluxe edition! That game was coming home with us.

Unfortunately ‘deluxe’ turned out to be a euphemism, seeing that the game had a grand total of 4 plastic thingies to represent the players, a collection of melted plastic squares representing the Beirut housing market and a total absence of 50-lira bills, but that’s like living here in real life: adapt, find a solution and play (live) on!

The best part, of course, are the inevitable jokes: can I run up a debt of 40 billion dollars? If another player threatens my position, can I blow up his token? I can probably build more than the maximum allowed number of houses on this street, right? That, and the fact that Hamra Street is the most expensive street on the board. I’ve always known I live in a classy neighborhood…

Mission Colonialism : Accomplished

So you’re an Arab in an Arabic country, and you’re going to a bookstore to find something to read. Because you are in an Arabic country, you might expect to find authors like Naguib Mahfouz, Rashid el Daif, Taha Hussein, Tayeb Saleh, and Abdelrahman Munif under the header of literature. This expectation, however, is wrong.

In the ‘literature’ section, you will find James Joyce, Kafka and Mark Twain. Your literature, by local writers who write in your language, is tucked away in a corner under the header ‘Arabic / Ethnic literature.’ Because, you know, Western is always the default.

So many times when it could have gone wrong

If I hadn’t been ditched by someone, I wouldn’t have felt the need to do something interesting with my lifeIf I hadn’t felt the need to do something interesting with my life, I wouldn’t have gone to the international bureau of the University of Amsterdam to ask about programs in the Middle East If I hadn’t gone to the international bureau of the University of Amsterdam to ask about programs in the Middle East, I wouldn’t have seen the last call for applications for New York University If I hadn’t seen the last call for applications for New York University, I wouldn’t have applied to the Africana Studies program If I hadn’t applied to the Africana Studies program at NYU, I wouldn’t have met Professor Khan If I hadn’t met Professor Khan, I wouldn’t have stayed an extra semester at NYU If I hadn’t stayed an extra semester at NYU, I wouldn’t have moved in with my Lebanese friend If I hadn’t moved in with my Lebanese friend, I wouldn’t have been invited to spend the summer of 2005 in Lebanon If I hadn’t been invited to spend the summer of 2005 in Lebanon, I wouldn’t have done the research for my masters in Anthropology in Beirut in 2006 If I hadn’t done the research for my masters in Anthropology in Beirut in 2006, I wouldn’t have lived through a war with Israel If I hadn’t lived through a war with Israel, my Israeli friend in Amsterdam wouldn’t have felt guilty for what I lived through If my Israeli friend in Amsterdam wouldn’t have felt guilty about what I had lived through, she wouldn’t have invited me and her fellow PhD-student from Lebanon who lived through the same thing for lunch If she hadn’t invited me and her fellow PhD-student for lunch, we wouldn’t have organized a falafel-dinner together If we hadn’t organized a falafel dinner together…

Let's say I'm glad we did. Happy two-year anniversary, my love.

Never underestimate the importance of looking good

Overheard at the beauty-salon: Bonjour Madame, good to see you again! You’re here for… a manicure. Ah, for the Rotary tomorrow? No, no, no, tomorrow I have a hospital visit. Medical check-up for my heart. Rotary is next week! …