Qussa

Stories from Afar & Up Close

Filtering by Category: Life

Sorry

It’s a recurring theme in the rants of even the most experienced expats living in the Netherlands: why the generally friendly or at least often smiling Dutch people never say ‘sorry’. (It’s a recurring theme in our inter-cultural marital fights as well, but let’s leave that aside for the moment.) And since for many expats, I’m one of the few Dutch people they know well (that’s apparently another thing that still baffles foreigners living here; how hard it is to become friends with a true Dutchie, but let’s leave that aside as well), they come to me for an explanation.

The first few times it came up, I didn’t know what they were talking about. I don’t find the Dutch people particularly rude, nor do I think they don’t apologize when they do something wrong.*

But I remembered that I was often annoyed, when living in the United States and in Lebanon, by people who kept saying sorry when I felt they didn’t even mean it. “I had a flat tire” – “I’m sorry”. “It’s raining outside so I can’t go out” – “I’m sorry”. “My dog died” – “I’m sorry”. I mean, I knew it was supposed to be friendly, but those ‘apologies’ only made me want to ask ‘why?’ Did you puncture my tire? Are you the one who made it rain? Or worse: did you kill my dog?

And then I realized what the problem was, and luckily it wasn’t rudeness: a different notion of what it means when you say sorry. The foreigners say sorry when they feel bad for you; the Dutch when it’s their fault that you feel bad. Don’t think we don’t sympathize with you – we just don’t want you to think we’re to blame.

*Except when we really did something wrong, like made a fortune by trading slaves. Then it becomes a lot harder to say ‘sorry’.

Definitely landed

- Every time I look out of the window, I see gray clouds- I already know exactly when, where and at what time I will have tea with my friend… 3 weeks from now - When I see a Hummer on the street I no longer expect it to have a Saudi or Qatari number-plate - When we walk into a restaurant at 8 pm on a Saturday night, most of the guests are already having dessert - I considered it entirely normal that the woman in the Municipal Office told me I brought too many copies and forms and stamps, rather than sending me away because there was still some previously-unknown yet required paper missing - I’m no longer expecting the electricity to cut at any moment because it hasn’t cut yet today… - When I sit in a café and pick up a random newspaper, chances are I can actually read it - I’m no longer the tallest, nor the blondest one everywhere I go.

So yeah, it seems like I’m really, really back in the Netherlands.

The country in which things make sense

Now that we moved to The Netherlands, we plan on doing as the Dutchies do, and let our cats roam around outside. Since we have already spotted several ‘Missing: Cute Cat’ posters, we will not let them go out just like that: they will have to wear a collar. One with a small thingy attached with our name and phone number in it, so that should they get really lost and eventually very hungry, the nice person who fills their bellies can check who they belong to (and send us a cheque for the food). But these collars don't come with a cat-saving device only. They also come with a little bell attached. A little bell that tinkles every time the cat jumps, runs, or even licks its back feet to enthousiastically. It drives us insane, and it drives the cats insane, so Walid figured he’d remove the little bells.

Not so quick, dear man! That little bell is there for a reason! Dutch people really, really like cats, and cats really, really like catching birds… and a drastic decline in the bird population led to the idea of bells on cats.

Oh, true, Walid sighed. In this country EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

Blog Action Day 2009: Climate Change

Last year on the 15th of October, bloggers all over the world united to write about poverty. This year, the topic of Blog Action Day is Climate Change.I think we all know what to do:

Car less – bike more Plastic less – paper more AC less – fan more Meat less – vegetable more Fly less – walk more Artificial less – organic more Heater less – sweater more Garbage less – recycle more

Or, in short: Consume less – live more