Current topic: contraceptive techniques.

My boss (a single man nearing his 50s) and I are writing a report about our project on Reproductive Health in one of the villages in the South. The women have been tested, poked, tickled, and listened to, and now is the time to look at the results and decide what to do next. However, the data have been collected in Arabic and those paying for the project (the World Health Organization) need the findings in English, so our lack of Arabic-English dictionary means we have to do some creative translating. My boss: Ok, so there is this thing that women use, it goes inside and the Arabic word means it is twisted. Me: What is it made of, rubber? Metal? Could it be a diaphragm, is it shaped like a little bowl? Yes it is made of rubber, but it is not shaped like a small cup, it really is more like a, well, ehm… An IUD – Intra Uterine Device then, maybe? But then it is not made of rubber, those are made of copper, I believe. Copper? Contraceptives made of copper? Alright… Anything else? Well, there is another method, it is, well, you count, you know? You count? What do you count? Well you count the days that you can and that you can’t… Ah, yes, let me look this one up… ‘periodieke onthouding’, ehm… here it is, ‘the rhythm method’. Any others?

Yes, there is also, when you stop. ... Celibacy? Abstinence? No, you stop while you are busy… in French it is called ‘ejaculation extra uterinaire’ … … Do you mean coitus interruptus? That you end it just before you get there? Yes, yes! In Arabic we call that, ehm, you know, when you have diabetes and your hand or foot is so infected it has to be cut off… what is that called? Do you mean amputation? That’s it! That’s what it’s called in Arabic. Amputated intercourse.

It never becomes normal, either way

I don't know if I shouldn't be used to it by now: the beautiful sunset on the Corniche (yes, I was there again), and the fact that right after I took this picture two soldiers with their weapons ready in front of them demanded to see what I was taking pictures of. Well, of the view:

Even though I see it almost every night, I never get bored of it. And remember I told you about the famous Lebanese Lie, the idea that in this country, one can ski and swim on the same day? Well, this night I was proven wrong: to my right, I saw the mountains covered in snow, and to my left, I saw a couple of old men taking a dive in the sea. Not sure if they had been skiing in the morning of course, but they could have been...

Treat your country as you would treat your mother

In Lebanon, politicians do not talk with each other, they talk to each other. They usually deliver their messages to the leaders of the opposite camp through press-conferences, speeches at rallies and demonstrations, or even interviews or mediators – I often imagine how silent it must be during their meetings, seen that they only start venting their plans and opinions to journalists after the parliamentary sessions are over. This time, Sleiman Franjieh (a Maronite Christian leader who supports the Opposition) called on his fellow Maronite leaders to 'stop using Bkirki, the highest Maronite religious authority, as a platform for politicians to deliver statements'.

Geagea (a Maronite leader who supports the Government) let it be known that 'Franjieh should be respectful towards Bkirki and treat it like it is his mother'.

Enmity between Franjieh and Geagea dates back to the civil war, when Geagea's militia killed Franjieh's family, and it is there that Franjieh found his answer: ‘If Geagea had left my mother alive, I would have known how to treat her well.’

In Dutch we say: Zo, die zit.

If I could choose…

For today, the homework for English class was to write a few lines on ‘if I could live in any country in the world, I would choose…’. I present you with a random sample of the choices of the 9-year old students of Rawdah HS Elementary school in Southern Beirut:

“…I would choose Spain, because my parents studied there and lived there for 15 years and they speak very good Spanish.”

“…I would choose Denmark, because I have the Danish nationality, and it is a very green and peaceful country.”

“…I would choose Dubai, because my father and my uncles work there, and they cannot travel to Lebanon often.”

“…I would choose London, because the schools are free, there is no pollution because of smart actions of the government, and because the roads are good and very far from the houses so you can have calmness in your living room.”

While the first three choices point mercilessly at the rather saddening exodus of Lebanese people that is going on and has been going on for decades, the last one just makes me nod my head in agreement. I can’t wait to spend some time in a city that does not have honking cars everywhere, all the time…

It's what the Dutch did with Melkert and Ayaan Hirsi Ali

In an opinion poll conducted by an international information company, Lebanese people were asked what they thought would be the best way to protect their politicians from assassinations. No less than 40.3% was of the opinion that for the politicians to emigrate / leave the country would be the best solution.

Imagine that: "Today's session of the Lebanese Parliament will be held in... Luxembourg!" At least it would finally bring an end to the lie (as recently restated by the Italian minister of Foreign Affairs, when discussing the Lebanese presidential elections with his French and German counterparts) that "the Lebanese future is decided in Lebanon".