Five minutes of fame

The last time I flew to Lebanon, in December last year, I was seated next to two Southern Lebanese men who were living in Switzerland. As usual, to conversation went from what do you do in Lebanon to what do you think of Lebanon to wow, you’re almost Lebanese! When they discovered I had spent most of the July War in 2006 in Lebanon, one of them took a closer look and said: ‘I think I know you. Have you been on TV?’ I laughed. Yeah, of course, I’m a famous international TV-personality. Ehm, what? I said. I don’t think so. ‘Yes, I’m sure I’ve seen you on Manar, it was something with Imad Moghnieh.’ Then I remembered. Last year I visited an exhibition about Imad Moghnieh, organized by Hezbollah, and had been asked a couple of questions by a camera crew of Al Manar, the TV channel operated by Hezbollah. They said it was for a documentary about the exhibition, but apparently it had been on TV. And this man, all the way in Switzerland, had seen me and now recognized me. I was famous in South Lebanon and its Diaspora!

And it doesn’t stop there. My post about the helpful Zghartans has been picked up by local news site, and they are now wondering who is this woman?

It seems my Lebanese star is still rising… and all Zghartans are welcome for a cup of coffee!

Never underestimate the importance of looking good

Overheard at the beauty-salon: Bonjour Madame, good to see you again! You’re here for… a manicure. Ah, for the Rotary tomorrow? No, no, no, tomorrow I have a hospital visit. Medical check-up for my heart. Rotary is next week! …

In which the taxi-driver is looking for some pedagogical entertainment

It was a rainy night, and we were in the back of a service (shared taxi), chatting with the driver about the progress of the different teams in the Lebanese basketball championship – or rather, we were being updated about their progress, because neither Walid nor I know much about the subject. Before we reached the end of the street, the driver picked up a teenage boy who wanted to go to Qoreitem, a few minutes away. I’ll take you there, said our chauffeur, as the boy slouched down in the front seat, chewing candy, but I have to drop them off at the Corniche first. The boy was not pleased. But I’m in a hurry! We weren’t, so we told the driver it would be ok to drop him off first before continuing to our destination. In return, the boy offered us candy, in that typically uninterested-teenager-way.

So… Qoreitem, ey? The driver said jokingly to the boy. Why, do you have a meeting with Hariri? Pfff… Hariri has a meeting with me! answered the boy, playing with his phone. Hariri has a meeting with him… mumbled the driver, so what’s your name? My name? the boy looked up. Why? Just want to know, what’s your name? Antoun. Why? Why is that my name? Yes, why? Well, said the boy, confused, I guess my parents felt like it. Hahaha! the taxi-driver smiled at us, I ask him his name and then I ask him why! Hahaha!

The boy’s phone rang. No, I’m on my way already; I’m next to Yamaha now, he said in English. I’ll be there soon. He was still slumped in his seat, continuously chewing his sweets. Yamaha, Honda, Nissan, the driver muttered. Like he speaks French or English or Japanese or whatever.

When the taxi-driver wanted to drop him off and take a right turn, the teenager motioned with his hand that he should move forward on the main road. Another 5 meters farther he had arrived at his destination. He looked down at the driver’s packet of cigarettes, decided that they weren’t it, then turned around and asked Walid: Do you have any Marlboro Red? Unsuccessful, he got out of the car and walked off.

Too bad, said the driver, I wish you had let me drop you off first. I wait the whole day for boys like this! These youth nowadays…. I would have taken him all around Beirut, and then some. That’ll teach him! The other day I was hit by a scooter going against traffic, and the boy started yelling at me. Well, I picked him up, stuffed him in my trunk and drove him around for a while. I guess he learned when to apologize!

With that, we arrived at our destination, where the driver refused payment. We had fun! he said. We sure did.

Souvenirs

In Paris it’s a miniature Eiffel Tower, in New York City a small version of the Statue of Liberty, and I don’t doubt one can find a tiny Big Ben on a keychain in London, or a little red double-decker bus. After all, it’s nice to bring something home that is ‘typical’ for the location, a little symbol to remind the traveler of the country that s/he just visited. In Lebanon, one can find plenty of Phoenician figurines to take home as a souvenir, or pictures of the Pigeon Rocks and the Temple of Baalbeck. Of course that is how the Ministry of Tourism would like everyone to think of Lebanon, but is that what people will remember most? Most people I know who come to Lebanon are more obsessed or amazed with the chaotic and almost incomprehensible politics than the country’s ancient history, and are far more interested in Hezbollah than in an extinct people who may or may not have invented the alphabet.

Now, a tourist can find paraphernalia of the different political parties by going to the area where most supporters live, and buy a lighter which lights up with the face of Nabih Berri, a sticker of a rosary in the form of Lebanon, a keychain with Hassan Nasrallah or a Holy Card with Geagea on it, just to name a few. Or, one can do the political shopping all at once in the Chinese dollar-store on the Corniche, and get a mug of each one of them:

This guy has everyone! Nabih Berri, Rafiq Hariri, Hassan Nasrallah, Amine Gemayel, Saad Hariri, Walid Jumblatt, Samir Geagea, and Michel Aoun (not in the picture). No mug of the president though...

Wonder what the last time was they had a cuppa together...

So there you have it, souvenirs to remind you of the ‘real’ Lebanon… unless what you remember is slightly more violent, in which case a small souvenir-shop in Jezzine might just have the souvenir you are looking for:

A penholder with a Phoenician ship next to it? A beer bottle opener with the Lebanese flag? Or something slightly bigger? Apparently not every souvenir needs a cedar on it to be a good reminder of Lebanon...

Elk nadeel...

Ok, laten we wel wezen: Libanon mag zich dan laten voorstaan op een glamoureus nachtleven, een reputatie als ‘het Parijs van het Midden Oosten’, en een overdaad aan dure auto’s and nog duurdere feesten en partijen, in het dagelijks leven blijft het een ontwikkelingsland, en dat betekent dat heel veel dingen heel vaak niet werken. Soms is dat vermoeiend, en dan moet ik de grote Nederlandse voetbalfilosoof aanhalen om niet in vloeken uit te barsten: • Het mobiele telefoonnetwerk is gammel en werkt alleen als het daar zelf zin in heeft, net als de internetverbinding (attachments van meer dan 0.5Mb? Vergeet het maar). Altijd een perfect excuus bij de hand dus, als je een belangrijk telefoontje of email vergeten bent. Ja ik probeerde je dat rapport te mailen, maar hij verstuurde ‘m niet... • Elke dag een paar uur geen electriciteit, dus geen lift naar de 8e verdieping. Geeft niet, traplopen is goed voor de gezondheid! • Vanwege datzelfde gebrek aan electriciteit zitten we regelmatig een avond in het donker. Goed voor onze relatie; kaarslicht is romantisch, toch? • Openbaar vervoer is niet geregeld door de overheid, maar door elkaar beconcurrerende buschauffeurs, die bij te weinig passagiers de route naar eigen inzicht aanpassen. Is ook leuk, kom ik weer eens in een andere buurt. En dat laatste stuk naar huis lopen betekent dat ik vandaag weer niet naar de sportschool hoef. • Als je wel een auto hebt en bij ons in de buurt moet parkeren, moet je elke twee uur naar beneden om geld in de parkeerautomaat te gooien – dagkaarten en parkeervergunningen voor buurtbewoners bestaan niet. Dat geeft je elke twee uur de gelegendheid om dankbaar te zijn voor het feit dat Libanon opstoot in de vaart der volkeren... al was het maar alleen met dit parkeerbeleid. • Als het regent zuigen de muren van het huis zich vol, en als we ze aanraken stroomt het water aan de binnenkant naar beneden. Lekker avontuurlijk, toch, net als in een tent... leuk, elke dag kamperen! • Isolatie van huizen is onbekend, dus in de winter is het KOUD en in de zomer is het BLOED HEET. Ben een echt natuurmens geworden, helemaal in touch with the seasons.

Eigenlijk niks te klagen dus!